The Portrait of a Godly Homemaker (Proverbs 31:10-31)
After giving instructions to older men and older women in his letter to Titus, the Apostle Paul gave instructions for what younger women ought to do in pursuit of a God-glorifying life: “…to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored” (Titus 2:4-5). As seen, among these characteristics was an instruction for them to be “workers at home” (Titus 2:5). This three-word phrase is actually a single compound word in Greek: oikourgos, formed from oikos (meaning “house” or “household”) and ergon (meaning “work”).[1] Thus, it’s literally a “house-worker,” meaning “one who is domestic, tending to responsibilities in the home.” As scholars note, “Both the Semitic and Hellenic ideal was for women to remain at home and discharge domestic duties.”[2]
To be honest, even without a lexical analysis of the word it’s hard to imagine anything more straightforward in Scripture.
Nevertheless, that hasn’t stopped people from questioning what is apparent in those simple English words. Rather than affirming a mother’s primary duty as staying home to care for the needs of the family throughout the day, many would suggest that pursuing a career outside the home is within the bounds of Paul’s words. Some would claim that “workers at home” means that a woman shouldn’t be lazy whenever she happens to be at home. But that would be a strange instruction in light of the fact that believers should be hard-working everywhere. After all, Paul didn’t limit the places in which women were to be “sensible” or “pure” (other characteristics in the list).
Others would claim that for a wife to be a worker at home means it’s a woman’s job, rather than a man’s job, to take care of the home—a duty which can be accomplished after she gets home from a long day working elsewhere. But that idea fails to reconcile with the Greek grammar. In Paul’s list, “workers at home” doesn’t appear as a verb like the first two characteristics (“to love their husbands, to love their children”); it appears as a noun. He didn’t use oikourgeó) (to “work at home”); he used oikourgos (to be “a homeworker”). Stated differently, Paul didn’t list this particular description as that which a woman was to do; he gave it as that which a woman was to be.
Sadly, when those kinds of objections are soundly addressed, what do many people do? Rather than conform their lives to the implications of Titus 2:5, they turn to the hardworking woman of Proverbs 31.
But the reality is that far from contradicting Titus 2:5, what Proverbs 31:10-31 actually does is complement it. Whereas the former gives the instruction, the latter provides a brilliant portrait of what it looks like in everyday life. In writing down the acrostic poem that his mother taught him, King Lemuel—a student of wisdom who knew the one true God Yahweh—gave a wonderful description of a wife who glorifies God as a homemaker: she’s one who is blameless with finances, busy at home, benevolent toward others, beautiful inside and out, and blessed for her godliness.
She Is Blameless with Finances (Proverbs 31:10-12)
An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Knowing that he was about to provide a lofty account of a God-fearing woman, Lemuel began with the rhetorical question, “An excellent wife, who can find?” After all, even Solomon recognized that “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). She is rare and valuable—and ultimately a gift from God.
The intent behind the question was to motivate his hearers to find such a wife—or in the case of women, to be that kind of wife. “For her worth is far above jewels,” he said. Her value cannot be quantified. It isn’t calculated by a mathematical equation. It wouldn’t fit on a spreadsheet even if you tried. After all, money can do a lot of things for a man, but what it can’t do is love him, bear his children, and harmoniously depict the glorious love between Christ and the Church (cf. Eph. 5:25-29).
And speaking of money, the first aspect Lemuel described of a godly wife is that her husband can trust her with the finances. While he’s working in the field, conducting business in the market, or engaging in legal affairs in the city gate, he knows that the finances of his family are safe with her. While she’s at home, the money he earns through the sweat of his brow is protected by her strategic use of it for the well-being of their family. And this kind of trust was far from normal.
Whereas the common practice in ancient times would be for a husband to guard or even lock up his valuables to prevent his wife from accessing them, this man can trust his wife fully.[3] Financially speaking, he knows that she’s an asset rather than a liability. Today, this would be the woman who doesn’t squander money at home on self-indulgent entertainment, frivolous shopping, or ungrateful waste. Instead, she’s the kind of woman who follows the famous World War II motto, “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” And far from being a one time commitment, budgeting for a short period of time like a fad diet, this woman does her husband good “all” the days of her life. She’s committed to him “for richer or for poorer,” all the while helping him become the former rather than the latter.
She Is Busy at Home (Proverbs 31:13-19)
She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle.
The next characteristic of the godly homemaker is that she is busy at home. Rather than idly wasting precious time, she is involved in a variety of enterprises. First, she spends time gathering the raw materials (wool and flax) used to make linen thread, which she uses for weaving and making clothes (cf. Prov. 31:19).[4] Though the modern woman would view this life as treacherous and stifling, this woman works “in delight” (Prov. 31:13). It gives her pleasure to serve her family in this way. And of course, no one is born with a selfless heart that enjoys serving others. Rather, it is by divine grace that our hearts are regenerated and our minds become aligned with His Word (cf. John 3:8, Rom. 12:1-2). What should a mother do if she questions homemaking as her “calling” in life, claiming to have a greater passion and more fulfillment working outside the home? She should conform her life to God’s Word anyway, all the while praying that He would change her desires to find joy in what Scripture teaches.
Beyond that, this ideal homemaker gathers a variety of foods for her family when shopping in the market. Like a merchant ship from a remote destination, she returns home with a number of delicacies for her family to enjoy and be nourished by. Rather than being too exhausted to cook after a long day at the office, this kind of woman has both the time and priority needed to cook quality food. In fact, she even “rises also while it is still night” in order to begin preparations for the meals of the day. When the sun’s up, she’s up. Of course, rather than requiring a woman to rise at an exact hour of the day, the principle is that a homemaker facilitates her family’s excellence through a rigorous work ethic—she doesn’t leave her husband and children to “fend for themselves.” Just as Agur noted in his collection of proverbs, “The ants are not a strong people, but they prepare their food in the summer” (Prov. 30:25), this woman exercises foresight to anticipate her family’s needs (which even includes the needs of her “maidens”). She then gets to work executing the plan.
As if that weren’t enough, she’s engaged in agricultural affairs: “She considers a field and buys it” (Prov. 31:16). She invests money in something that will produce more, and then reinvests those profits as well, putting her physical and mental strength to good use (cf. Prov. 31:17). As a result, she can tell that she made financial gains for her family. In ancient times, the lamps of the less wealthy would not be kept burning all night (in order to conserve costs), but for this woman, “Her lamp does not go out at night” (Prov. 31:18, cf. Prov. 21:20). Rather than implying that this woman works all throughout the night (which, of course, would interfere with her rising early for her family), this ever-burning lamp is actually a sign of never-ending prosperity (cf. Prov. 21:20).[5]
With such a wide variety of endeavors this woman engaged in, some conclude that this unquestionably justifies a mother holding a career outside the home. In reality, it’s the exact opposite: the diverse nature of her daily life was only made possible because she was a stay-at-home mom. Mothers with full-time jobs aren’t known to be ones who “rise also while it is still night” to prepare the home for what the day holds; it’s hard enough trying to sleep and recover for another day on the grind. Those working in a corporate high-rise don’t head out in the middle of the day to buy farms—they’re stuck in cubicle farms. A mom punching a time clock isn’t in the market gathering food and flax for her family; she’s in the office gathering reports and spreadsheets for her colleagues. Not only would it be impossible to juggle all of these activities with a full-time career, but to do so would certainly spell catastrophe on a woman’s mental health—which, in fact, is precisely what happens to many who try.
It’s strange, then, that some would mischaracterize homemaking as being bound within the four walls of the home, when it’s actually the businesswoman who’s usually bound—within the four walls of the office. Rather than being free to come and go as needed, the career woman is trapped in the nine-to-five grind. And when it comes to the so-called Women’s Liberation Movement, one man astutely noted how strange it is to think that “women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands.”[6]
John MacArthur summarizes this well:
To depreciate the role of a homemaker is pretty foolish. The breadth of the role of homemaker is amazing. To be able to be an economist, a steward of funds and resources, to be able to analyze all the products available, to be strong enough and well-planned enough to make the right moves at the right time to acquire the right things, to be fully a wife to your husband and a tender and loving mother to all of your children, to apportion all the responsibilities to everybody who was a part of the labor force, that takes some woman. People say, “Well, you know, women have administrative skills, why should they get locked up in a house?” They don’t understand. It can be the fullest and most wonderful expression of womanhood.[7]
As if all this weren’t enough, this homemaker not only has time to engage in profitable work, she also has time for charitable work.
She Is Benevolent Toward Others (Proverbs 31:19-21)
She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Extending her hands in labor, she makes garments using the “distaff” (the tool that functions like a spool to hold the bulk fibers) and the “spindle” (the tool used to weave the fibers). Those same hands are then extended with both hospitality and material goods toward the “poor” (the Hebrew word ani, referring to someone of humble means) and the “needy” (the Hebrew word ebyon, referring especially to someone in the lowest class of society). Whether welcoming others into her home to share a meal, or providing clothing for those less fortunate, this woman uses her abilities for the good of others.
Ultimately, she was a true believer who knew and followed the Mosaic Covenant in ancient Israel, in which Moses gave the following command (using the same Hebrew words ani and ebyon): “For the poor will never cease to be in the land; therefore I command you, saying, ‘You shall freely open your hand to your brother, to your needy and poor in your land’” (Deut. 15:11).
Similarly, for a woman intending to be faithful to the New Covenant in the Church, Paul left these instructions: “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10). As a devoted homemaker, this kind of woman’s opportunities to “do good” abound—and she takes advantage of those opportunities.
When people need a last-minute babysitter for an unexpected emergency, she’s the one they can call. When someone’s in the hospital, this selfless woman has time to visit. If a person has fallen on hard times, she consults with her husband so as to help fund a solution. She’s the one organizing meals for a family with a new baby. Once a month, you can find her stocking her church’s pro-life pantry with diapers, bottles, and pacifiers. She has the time on her hands to extend her hands.
But her benevolence doesn’t end with strangers. On the contrary, she makes sure to care for the needs of her own family as well. This woman is not fearful of the winter rainy season in Israel (November to February), because “all her household are clothed with scarlet.” She uses her weaving abilities to make sure her family members and her servants have the proper apparel to brave the elements. In fact, she’s given them the very best she can: they wear scarlet, a dyed garment of costly materials.[8] While avoiding sinful superficiality, she wants them to look as good as they feel.
At the same time, they aren’t the only ones who are clothed well. She also clothes herself well, inside and out—in order to be beautiful, inside and out.
She Is Beautiful Inside and Out (Proverbs 31:22-27)
She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Further describing this woman’s abilities is that she makes “coverings” (referring to bed linens) and “clothing” (referring to linens for her own dress). In both of these, she utilizes “fine linen” (often imported from Egypt) and “purple” (often imported from the Phoenician coast) representing the highest quality and attractiveness of the material.[9] Although outward beauty may be of lesser value than inner beauty (cf. 1 Tim. 4:8), that doesn’t mean that outward beauty is of no value. After all, there’s no inherent virtue in a believer looking unkempt or disheveled. Instead, this woman uses her God-given talents to augment her God-given beauty—undoubtedly as an expression of love for her husband. As King Solomon said to his wife during their courtship, “To me, my darling, you are like my mare among the chariots of Pharaoh” (Song 1:9). Don’t overlook the important phrase “to me” (expressed in the NASB) that Solomon used. This godly wife isn’t beautifying herself so that other men find her attractive; she’s presenting herself to be beautiful in the eyes of her husband. In that regard, this principle isn’t intended to set a particular standard of beauty that all women are supposed to pursue. The pressure for women to conform their appearance to the latest fashion magazine is far from in view. Rather, this exalts the beauty that a wife intentionally pursues for her own husband. Her husband’s eyes are all that matter anyway.
Sinclair Ferguson offers an excellent insight in this regard:
You know one of the awful things about so many marriage guidance gurus is? They speak aright as though God meant that the one size fits all. But what God does in creation is He makes one size fit one size. So it’s not that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, simply. It’s often that beauty is hidden from the eyes of other beholders to see what you see.[10]
Interestingly though, her husband is also “known in the gates,” not only for the business that she engages in (in which she sells her garments and belts to others), but by the fact that her husband’s own appearance is taken care of along the way. As one commentator notes, “The apparel with which she adorns him also enhances his prestige.”[11] Her eye for beauty extends to her husband’s clothes. As many husbands today would probably admit, nothing has changed since Bible times: behind every well-dressed man is a wife with a sophisticated sense of aesthetics.
But it doesn’t stop there. Of far more importance is this woman’s beauty on the inside—her godly character. As the Apostle Peter wrote to believers, “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” (1 Pet. 3:3-4). A woman’s adornment must not be merely external. And this ideal woman portrays that: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future” (Prov. 31:25). She has perseverance of character, a godliness that stands out from the crowd, and an optimism toward the future—not because she trust in her or her husband’s own abilities, but because she trusts in the Lord.
As scholar Dan Phillips comments,
It is her fear of Yahweh that enables her to see that real greatness will come to her, not through self-centered aggressiveness, and not through merely external beauty, but through godly devotion and the wholehearted commitment to God’s creational intention for her.”[12]
Furthermore, Lemuel describes her by saying, “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Prov. 31:26). She’s teaching others to have the same internal beauty that she herself possesses.
But that raises an important question: Who is she teaching?
Based on other proverbs (i.e. Prov. 1:8, 6:20, et. al.), the answer is clear: her children.
She’s teaching her kids in accordance with Deuteronomy 6:6-7, which called for the Israelites to teach their children “when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Using a literary technique called a merism, what this means is that parents were instructed to teach their children all throughout the day, wherever they were. This ideal wife knows well that her and her husband are responsible for the education of their children.
In fact, noting that “evidence for schools in ancient Israel is missing,” Hebrew scholar Bruce Waltke says,
The home setting for education in ancient Israel, for both the Mosaic law (cf. Deut. 6:7-9) and Solomon’s proverbs, is put beyond reasonable doubt by references to the mother (cf. Exod. 20:12; Lev. 19:3; Deut. 5:16; 21:18-21; Luke 2:51; 2 Tim. 1:5, 3:14-15) and in Proverbs in particular (4:3; 6:20; 23:35; 31:1, 26-28; cf. 10:1; 15:20).[13]
Waltke continues his analysis, saying, “Education in a home setting finds further corroboration in [Proverbs 4:1-9], where the godly family—including grandfather, father, mother, and son—are represented, though fictitiously, as transmitting the family’s spiritual inheritance.” On that basis then, it’s no surprise that he concludes by saying, “The evidence points to home schooling in ancient Israel.”[14]
Rather than letting pagans teach her children, she “looks well to the ways of her household” (Prov. 31:27). By taking ownership of her children’s education, it’s no surprise that this woman “does not eat the bread of idleness.” Just ask any mom who stays home to teach her kids all day. Homeschooling moms are in full-time ministry—and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
She Is Blessed for Her Godliness (Proverbs 31:28-31)
Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Though this woman is working to please the Lord, not men, the reality is that others do take note of her godliness and praise her for it. In her private life, her children “rise up and bless her” (Prov. 31:28). The fact that her children recognize her commitment, and desire to honor her for it, implies that these children are at an older, mature age in which they are able to reflect on the sacrifices she made in order to raise them in God’s ways and according to God’s ways. Likewise, her husband “praises her,” knowing well that being a stay-at-home mom is, in fact, a full time job.
Undoubtedly, many Christians today have the same perspective as they think about their godly parents’ decision to live primarily on one income in order to invest in something money can’t buy. They may have been crammed into a smaller house, but they also had closer bonds with each other. They may not have had the nicest clothes, but they have the nicest memories. They may have taken fewer vacations, but they had a whole lot more Jesus.
In light of that, the portrait of this housewife makes it clear that godliness far exceeds beauty (in both duration and degree). To that end, any young man thinking wisely about his future spouse should recognize that a pretty face doesn’t matter without a regenerate heart. After all, “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion” (Prov. 11:22). Likewise, when this woman looks back on her life from an old age, she cares far more about what she sees in her family than what she sees in the mirror. In her final years, her hair may be gray, and her skin may be wrinkled, but her husband, children, and grandchildren love her and love the Lord. She couldn’t ask for more.
In her public life, she is also to be praised “in the gates.” Others living in the covenant community in Israel ought to have recognized that her life as a homemaker was the normative, biblical standard. Whether or not life circumstances impact a woman’s ability to fulfill these principles, those around her were called to see the fruit of her life (“her works”) and affirm that she indeed embodies what Scripture sets forth as the ideal to pursue.
Ultimately, in following God’s plan for the family, there is no doubt that such a woman can look forward to hearing “Well done, good and faithful slave” from the Lord. So when the world (and much of evangelicalism) recoils in disgust at the idea that homemaking is the biblical standard for wives and mothers, don’t worry about it—they aren’t the ones handing out rewards at the end of the age (cf. 1 Cor. 3:13-15).
On the other hand, to those who see this portrait of a godly homemaker and feel the weight of conviction, John MacArthur offers the following pastoral counsel:
This kind of woman almost seems impossible if not ridiculous in our day, but God’s standard never changes and this is that which every Christian mother and wife needs to set as the ideal and ask God for the grace to pursue it. By the way, if you’re looking at your life and saying, “I’ve been going the wrong direction,” well, today’s a good day to start in the right direction. God is the God of new beginnings, isn’t He? And this is the path for you to walk in.[15]
At the end of the day, if you've fallen short of the Proverbs 31 portrait, rememeber that your reconciliation with God is based on the righteousness of Christ, not your own. Jesus perfectly kept the Law of God (which includes the wisdom of God) on our behalf. Rest in the forgiveness found in Him, and then use that forgiveness as motivation to embrace this portrait with greater fervor than ever before.
Should a woman joyfully abide by her God-ordained role in the home, Scripture issues a promise: she will be honored (cf. Prov. 31:28-31).
Should a woman willfully abdicate her God-ordained role in the home, Scripture issues a warning: the Word of God will be dishonored (cf. Titus 2:5).
So, if you’re a younger woman, do everything in your power to pursue this biblical standard as a homemaker. If you’re an older woman, help and encourage younger women in their pursuit of this standard. And if you’re a man who has found such a woman, praise her for her faithfulness—and praise God for His providence.
References:
[1] Frederick W. Danker, Walter Bauer, and William F. Arndt, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd ed. (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 700.
(Note that the KJV reads "keepers at home," based on the Greek word oikouros rather than oikourgos. A discussion of the manuscript traditions behind each is beyond the scope of this article and ultimately bears no impact on the underlying principle.)
[2] Ibid., 700.
[3] John MacArthur, The MacArthur Bible Commentary: Unleashing God's Truth, One Verse at a Time (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2005), 729.
[4] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15-31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 523.
[5] Robert Jamieson, A.R. Fausset, and David Brown, Commentary on the Whole Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1962), 474.
[6] http://www.gkc.org.uk/gkc/books/Social_Reform_B.C.html
[7] https://www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/80-50/an-excellent-wife
[8] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15-31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 530.
[9] Ibid, 530.
[10] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqyZsaWyCv0
[11] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15-31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 530.
[12] Dan Phillips, God's Wisdom in Proverbs (The Woodlands, TX: Kress Biblical Resources, 2011), 224.
[13] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 1-15, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2004), 62.
[14] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 15-31, The New International Commentary on the Old Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2005), 224-225.
[15] https://www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/80-274/the-mirror-for-all-christian-women